The Birth Of The Laser Cats

Chris Kirkland


Photo by los Alamos national lab used under CC

The laser cats were spawned from a top-secret laboratory.
Army generals were developing a weapon of war to vanquish their enemies by fusing feline cuteness with the world’s most powerful hair removal laser.

Photo by iT@C used under CC


These warmongers with beards concluded that, upon seeing these assassins, the enemy would think ‘MY WORD THEY’RE ADORABLE’ before a zap of the laser would make them say ‘OWWWWWMYGOD I’VE BEEN OBLITERATED’ as they were being obliterated.

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But cats are known for their short attention span, and soon tired of the idea of killing. Instead they were distracted by a bee stuck in a window, and then sauntered away from the lab.


However, on their way to find a suitable source of drinking water (toilet bowl), they found themselves overcharged for a Cornish pasty at a near by pasty shop.

This unnecessary cost for something with such a low content of meat so enraged the cats, that they destroyed the pasty shop and anyone in the vicinity who looked Cornish.

pasty shop


Somehow, the process of cramming a laser inside their brains had given the cats a sense of moral duty, and they vowed from hence forth that they would ruthlessly destroy anything that could be considered ‘a little pricey’ when there’s a cheaper, better alternative nearby.

Just don’t step on their tails. Because you will die.


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