Easy Recipes for Homesick Gaijin, Part 2: Breakfast Scramble

A healthy, high protein breakfast can make all the difference between a morning full of fruitful biznessin’ and looking like you just rolled out of a dumpster after a cocaine-fueled weekday bender. A nice healthful breakfast will give you the power to greet clients with bone crushing, manly handshakes (manshakes) that everyone knows are directly proportional to business acumen.

On the other hand, if you’re anything like us, you’re probably waking up less than 10 minutes before you have to be out the door and breakfast is the last thing on your mind. That’s why we’re bringing you this recipe for a breakfast scramble you can make in less than 5 minutes.

Here’s what you’ll need:

1. A microwave
2. A bunch of eggs
3. Milk
4. Other stuff
5. A coffee mug
6. Your IMAGINATION

There’s very little measurement involved in this. You just crack a few eggs into the mug, add a splash of milk, mix.

(“But I’ve only got one coffee mug,” some of you may be saying. “And I need that. For my coffee.” The recipe works just fine in a bowl, too.)

Throw that mixture into the microwave for about 45 seconds and pull it back out again. If the eggs are starting to cook, you’re golden. If not, you put in too much milk and now you’ve got warm, yellow milk. Your only choice is to gulp this down Doogie Howser’s breakfast style.

If the eggs did cook up a little bit, congratulations, you’re halfway to successfully not screwing up the world’s easiest recipe.

Next, go wild and add whatever the hell you want! We’re partial to chorizo sausage, diced ham, doritos, cheese, and Tabasco sauce. It’s basically college in a mug. You may want to experiment; anything from soy and mirin to your own bachelor tears of loneliness are fair game here.

Mix, then throw it back in the microwave for another 2 minutes, watching every couple of seconds to make sure the eggs aren’t overflowing. Pull it out and squeal with amazement at the perfectly fluffy, ready to eat scramble.

If there’s a little bit of grayness to the eggs, don’t freak out. That’s just your microwave working its radioactive magic. The jittery doctor that performs minor surgeries for cash in the alley next to our office assures us it’s perfectly healthy.

Now if anyone grows a third eye after eating this, you don’t know us.

Editor’s note: In the event of sprouting a third eye because of this breakfast scramble, you don’t know us either.

If you’re still hungry, try Mike’s awesome pizza.